Friday, March 30, 2012

What would you do with $500 million?

Hey everyone!

I thought this would be an interesting post because earlier today I saw an article on Yahoo! asking what people would do if they won the $500 million jackpot this Friday. It got me thinking and I thought some people would enjoy this post, so here we go!

By the way, my list isn't in any order. They're just some things I'd definitely do if I won that much money.

I'll begin by listing the selfish things I would do, like getting a car or something, then I'll list the selfless things after, such as donating to charities, etc.

Selfish Wants
  •  Condo - I want to move out and since I'm legally an adult, I'd be able to do so. I don't want a house this young though, and with a condo, all the outdoor work is done for you!
  • Pay off current car loan - I actually want to keep the car I just got a couple weeks ago. Why would I get a new one if this one's already new to me?
  • Pay off school loans - I would pay off all of my outstanding school loans and continue to go to community college since I would like to finish where I started and if it's cheaper, even if I'm rich, why not? More money to have fun with! ;)
  • Office room with "L" desk - I've always wanted an office in my house with a file cabinet and an "L" desk - you know, the kind that wraps around the corner of the room and has lots of drawers and space on top?
  • New desk chair - My current desk chair is shot, I've had it for years and need a new one - but I'd really like one with arms and that has good back support.
  • Huge Apple Mac computer - I'd love to edit my videos with iMovie and play around on this!
  • Makeup room - For years, I've wanted a nice room devoted to my makeup collection. I'd be able to store my collection any way I wanted, finally have a sit down vanity to apply at, and it would just be visually stimulating.
  • Plasma screen TV - Because, who doesn't want one?
  • Diamond rings - Because diamonds are a girl's best friend, and I LOVE rings and would actually be able to afford some really nice jewelry.
  • Louis Vuitton bag - I've always wanted one. I actually went into the store for the first time at a mall a month or two ago, and when people just got rung out and handed over $1,400 without blinking or thinking twice, I literally almost fainted. I felt so light headed in that store, I had to leave!
  • HD Camera/Camcorder - I love making makeup videos for my YouTube viewers and would want them to be the best quality possible if I had the choice! :)
  • Walk-in closet - I have lots of clothes, purses, and shoes that need a bigger home. hehe
  • California King Bed - I've always LOVED the idea of a nice, huge, comfortable bed that you could have lots of space in and roll all around.
Selfless Dreams
  • Give millions to my parents - Not only do they need it to pay off all their debt, loans, and bills, but that would be enough to do that and move into a nicer house, minus me of course. ;) But seriously, they deserve it because I can only imagine how much it must have taken to raise me the past 18 years.
  • Dylan could live with me - Me and my boyfriend of almost 2 years, Dylan, have dreamed about what it would be like to live together someday. Now, I'm not saying he'd be able to be a mooch and do nothing with his life, but until he gets somewhere, we could at least fulfill that dream sooner than we thought we could.
  • Buy Dylan's mom's house - Long story short, his parents went through a divorce and obviously had to sell the house so they could live elsewhere. It's been a really long and unsuccessful journey, so I would buy their current house. Then, if his mom chose to stay there, she could, but if not, I'd also like to buy whatever house she'd like to move in to because she's like a second mother to me and has done so much for me, so why shouldn't I do the same?
  • Donate to army, marines, etc - I support the men and women who are brave and kind enough to risk their lives for us in America to fight overseas in whatever organization they're in - Army, Marines, Air Force, Navy, etc. So I would love to buy tons of food and ship it over there on a regular basis or at least donate some amount of money that would be put to good use to assist them.
  • Get Dylan a new car - He has a 1995 jetta that's not going to last much longer, so I'd definitely help him out and get a nice, shiny, new car for him. :)
  • Donate to anti-abortion organizations - I'm pro-life and am pretty sure there are probably organizations that fund things like  convincing women why it's better to keep the baby and such. Everyone deserves a chance at life.
  • Donate to animal charities - I love animals and hate people who abuse them, so I'd love to help them.
  • Donate to a lot of other miscellaneous charities that mean something to me - I haven't thought about every specific organization I'd like to donate money to, but I'm sure I'd find out if I had the money.
  • Adopt a homeless pet or rescue one - Because once again, I love pets and hate to think they don't have loving homes. :(
 Remember to have a positive day! :)


*NOTE - I started writing this post Thursday when I originally read the article about the Mega Millions Lottery being at $500 million, but last I heard, it was at $640 million. WOW! It was literally a record!

Monday, March 26, 2012

Motivational Monday! ~ 3/26/12

Happy Monday everyone! So my spring break from college went by faster than I would have liked, but it was definitely time well spent. I hung out with my best friend who I've missed a lot, my boyfriend, and did some MAJOR spring (haha) cleaning around my bedroom.

Anyways, that means today it's back to college and my regular, fast-paced, hard-working life again. But the semester is almost over now, because it's almost April! Practically only a month and a half left!! ^_^

Enjoy the quote guys, and have a good week! :)

I thought this was a fitting quote. My mom always tells me how if I think I'm not going to be able to sleep, I'm  not going to. Also, it's very true because if you think you want to do something, but know it's bad for you or others around you, it's then that you have the choice to carry it out anyway or hold back for the sake of yourself and others you love.

Remember to have a positive day! :)


*Image credit to*

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Makeup of the Day! ~ 3/21/12

Hey guys! I'm here with another "Makeup of the Day" post since I haven't had much time to sit down and write a serious blog post yet. I promised I'd keep posting on a frequent basis and would also keep it light-hearted at the same time as being serious, so I'm sticking to it! :)

I decided to have some fun with a bright pink lipstick since we've been having some BEAUTIFUL Spring weather here in Connecticut! Read below the picture for more details!

Enjoy my darlings! :)

So I don't know why my face keeps looking more orange than the rest of my body, but I blame my iPhone's camera. That's what I use to make these collages. Anyways, today I focused on matching my lip color to my bright pink shirt, and sticking to neutral eyes. The pictures aren't doing the lipstick justice, but it's the Viva Glam Nicki Minaj lipstick from MAC. It's an absolutely gorgeous color for spring, so I know I'm going to be wearing this a lot! :)

Remember to have a positive day! :)


Monday, March 19, 2012

Motivational Monday! ~ 3/19/12

Hey guys! I am happy to say that I'm actually on spring break from college this week, so this Monday feels pretty good on my end! Hoping the same for everyone else! :)


I thought this was a good one. You know the old saying, "Actions speak louder than words"? Well, I'm a witness of that being true. Remember this in your everyday life with your loved ones! :)

Remember to have a positive day! :)


*Image credit to*

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Makeup of the Day x2! ~ 3/15/12

Hey guys! So I figured since I've posted two super serious blog posts within the last week, I should lighten the mood like I promised and what better way to do that than with makeup? Well, for me and my fellow YouTubers, at least. ;)

I hope you guys enjoy the pictures! I recently got an awesome photo collage app for only $1 on my iPhone and it's just so fun and too perfect for displaying my makeup themes! :)

So this look was centered around my shirt. It was a nice reddish pink color so I figured I'd put a brown tone on my eyelid with a brick red blended out in the crease. It's a great pop of color, but not too much at the same time. (I was going to school, afterall!) I also made my cheeks rosy and lips a rosy pink as well and I was good to go!
(sorry about the earbuds, I listen to music in the morning before school to get motivated! hehe)
For this look, I also centered my makeup around my shirt. I'm having a lot of fun doing that lately! It provides a different look (and sometimes a different challenge) everyday! I used a light pinky-purple tone on my eyelid with a darker purple in the crease. I topped it off with nude lips and rosy cheeks and I was set! And I absolutely love this shirt! :)

So there you have it! Sorry I wasn't able to post these separately - I got the wrong photo collage app at first and was having trouble with it until I found the correct one - and I'm so glad I did! :) I'll try and do more of these from now on!

Remember to have a positive day! :)


P.S. Can you tell I love long, fun necklaces? Hehe :)

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Lost Love & Bad Breakups

March 13th will forever be one of the most important dates of my life.

Why? Because it changed my life forever.

Let's start at the beginning, shall we? This blog post is going to be centered around one guy who will remain nameless. He was my first boyfriend.

It was my junior year of high school. I was 15 at the time and had still never experienced real love, a first kiss, or had my first boyfriend. But all hope was not lost - it seemed that my luck had changed at the beginning of that school year - or so I thought at the time.

I had chosen to take an art class called "Art Foundations" which basically means it's the lowest art class you can take in my high school. I figured, it relates to my love of makeup (haha, not really) and maybe it'll be a fun class as I was getting towards the end of my high school career.

The first, I'd say, month of class, nothing was really out of the ordinary. I sat near the door of the art room with a couple other people - the usual was three or four people per table. Then towards the end of September or beginning of October, the teacher decided to change seats. That's when I met him.

We became friends fast - we would talk about the most random stuff, laugh, and get along easily together. It wasn't long until I started crushing on him - hard. It maybe took a month, because by Halloween, I had fallen.

Now we should fast forward through some of the year. Not much else happened throughout the majority of the school year, because I had always been scared to admit my feelings to someone, especially because I'm a girl and it's less common. I had also had a bad experience with that the previous school year - my sophomore year. I had fallen for someone that eventually ended up asking me for relationship advice, to which I got really excited. But it ended up that he wasn't hinting to me that he felt the same way - but instead, he really wanted advice about another girl.

Anyways, back to junior year boy - I had slowly, but surely, been making sure to talk to him more often. I had actually observed that he started talking to me more often too - a gesture I thought at the time meant he liked me back.

Looking back, I was pretty obvious in letting him know I liked him. I would talk to him on Facebook chat frequently and I got the courage to ask him for "advice" on what I should do about someone I liked and told him details, like how I felt and how I thought the "mysterious boy" felt the same way towards me.

Here comes the week it actually happened. We were still talking on a frequent basis and I was still talking to him about the "mysterious boy". My school is notorious for having "bomb scares" and "fake fire drills" so that's what ended up happening basically all that week, everyday. It actually happened the day, Tuesday, March 9, 2010, when I was planning to tell him how I felt about him. Now, keep in mind, my art class was the last class of the day, so I thought I'd pull him aside at the end of class, when the bell rang and everyone was leaving. But my plan was foiled because of the stupid bomb scare. So it had to wait another two days. (My high school classes were every other day because they were longer than normal classes, so we had rotating days)

Finally, Thursday, March 11, 2010 came. I had been sooooo nervous all week and the day that I was finally going to confess my feelings finally came. But of course, it had to wait until last period. So my nerves were up all day. Of course, we had another bomb scare. That week was insane because we seemed to have a bomb scare or fire drill every day, literally. This made me so mad because I thought my plan would be foiled like it was on Tuesday. But, it wasn't. We returned to class after we had to wait outside for the fire department to search our school. I remember he was sitting across from me as we watched a video on how to start drawing facial features and had to draw them ourselves. My hands were shaking and my heart kept feeling like it was going to beat out of my chest. All I could think about was what was about to happen. Finally, 2pm came and the bell rang. I pulled him aside as our mutual friend from the class came to talk to us. She's such a sweet girl, but I wanted to tell her to leave at that moment because no one, even her, knew what was about to happen. She finally left and we were alone in the classroom, besides the teacher being across the room at her desk.

I told him I had to tell him something. My words were something like, "You know how I've been talking to you about that guy? Well... *nervous pause* he's you." Short, simple, and to the point.

I stood there staring at him as my heart sank and I waited for a reply. It was finally out there and couldn't be taken back, no matter what happened next. Finally, he replied with something along the lines of okay or agreement, but it was confusing on whether or not he actually felt the same. A few moments later, he had said something along the lines that he hadn't really thought of me in that way but would be willing to give it a try... or something like that. So I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and hugged him, twice. I was beaming as I walked to my car, with him. It was the start of something great, or so I thought...

The next day came, Friday, March 12, 2010, and I had planned a makeup session with a close friend of mine. I was practicing some new looks, as I was an aspiring makeup artist, as some of you may know. Anyways, right when I parked at her house, I got a call from him. He asked me something completely random, like if I wanted to go to New York City. I was totally confused, of course. But he later explained to me it was about a class trip one of his classes was taking to the art museum or something. I ended up not being able to go though, because if you weren't in the class, you couldn't go.

Anyways, the big day came. Saturday, March 13, 2010. This was the day we had planned to meet at the public library for a little while after he got out of work. His boss kindly dropped him off at the library and he got into my car (which was really my dad's truck at the time) and we started talking. We showed each other pictures of our parents on our phones, talked about lots of random things, laughed a lot, and had a genuinely good time together. I was nervous the whole time because I didn't know what this meant, but I enjoyed it, none-the-less. We actually went into the library once, but that didn't last long as I just wanted to talk to him privately and alone to actually get to know him, personally. We ended up talking for about two hours in that truck. I'll never forget what he drew me. It was this drawing of his inner circle of family and friends kinda thing. He showed me where I was - which was very close to breaking down his wall of insecurities and letting me completely in. I felt so honored to have been in that place. I still couldn't believe in my head that all this was happening. I was maybe actually getting my first boyfriend - and then it happened. The time came when his dad came to pick him up, and we had to get out in the rain. He put the umbrella only over me, which I of course thought was so great because I'm such a hopeless romantic. We waited and we finally brought the subject of a relationship up. We mutually agreed to give it a try. So I ran back to the car as his dad pulled up - he wanted to tell him himself. I drove off, and I'll never forget that "good, good night" song, or whatever it's called, came on by the Black Eyed Peas. It really did feel like the best night ever.

Of course, we made it "Facebook official" almost immediately. Which meant, all our friends, including in art class, found out. When Monday came, that's all I was hearing. That they were right, knew it would happen, yadda, yadda, ya. It just got to the point where it was annoying... but either way, I was happy.

Now, something that is vital to know is he had really strict parents. So what we would do is stay after school with each other for a couple hours, until the "late bus" came, so he could go home on it (he didn't have a ride home - and I couldn't legally drive other people around yet) and he would tell his parents that he stayed after for homework. Once or twice, he did mention it was for me. But when it became a weekly thing, his parents didn't like it and didn't want him staying so much for something not school related. But I'll never forget the first time we stayed after - March 15th. That was the first day I knew what it felt like to be in a guy's embrace and it felt wonderful. I was finally going through all those little adorable steps of love that a lot of other people I knew went through. And it felt wonderful.

Let's skip forward a couple weeks. March 31st. We had stayed after together again, and we were roaming the halls and talking. We both felt it - that feeling where you want to take the chance with a first kiss. (Remember, we had never had another significant other before, we were each others' first) There was a moment in the hallway that would have been perfect - but we were both too nervous to do it. And I was that girl that always thought the guy should lean in first - but things change. As he walked me to my car, he had said how he wanted to kiss me really bad, but ended up not doing it. So I got in my car, watched him go around the building, and drove off. Thoughts were racing through my head, and I got a minute or two away from the school and pulled into my old preschool parking lot. I called and asked him if he was still in the front of the building. He said, "Yes." I said, "Stay there." and hung up. I immediately drove back to the school and pulled up to where he was. I got out, walked up to him and hugged him. While in his embrace, I said, "Do you still want it?" He asked, "What?" I replied, "A kiss." He said, "Yes." Then, without hesitation, I kissed him. We ended up falling over on the bench by accident that was right behind him, but it was the most exhilarating and exciting thing I had ever done. I took a chance and it made me so incredibly happy. We ended up kissing a couple times after that while we smiled and then I drove home, beaming ear to ear.

The next day was April 1st. April Fool's Day. So he came up to my locker, and like the gullible, unsuspecting person I always am, I didn't expect anything. He said something like, "You're a bad kisser." I was like, "What??" And he giggled and said it was April Fool's. It was adorable...

The first (and only) real date we had was when we went to go see "The Last Song" at the movies, on Tuesday, April 6th. He saw me cry during it, comforted me, kissed me - it was so nice. Now, I've never been the person to want to heavily make out and be all PDA in a movie theater, and I'm still like that. I just think some things shouldn't be all out there. But it was sweet and it was real. We went with his dad, though. His dad went to see another movie while we went to see this one. But the whole way there, I could see how his dad put way too much pressure on him with his classes and he even asked me things like, "Oh, that's not so hard, right?" and "He should be able to do better." It made me sad for him because that would be terrible to live with, in my opinion. His dad honestly intimidated me, though. So I was glad when we were finally alone.

A little bit after we had been dating for a month is when the relationship started to go sour. Little things that bothered me included the fact that he didn't believe in "pet names" like baby and such, which me being a total hopeless romantic, love stuff like that. But he just started becoming cold and the love was leaving his eyes. He wouldn't stay after with me much anymore, would stay on the phone for literally 2 minutes and have to go... things like that. We would start seeing each other in between class less... just everything started fading, and quickly, for no reason at all... he was indifferent, and even admitted to being so. He was ignoring me too much, and it was too much for me to handle.

Finally, April 30th, we were sitting in art class. We were allowed to listen to our iPods in class because it would help with our "creative process" so we would sometimes talk on the notes section of my iPod touch. We went back and forth this day and he ended up breaking up with me... I wanted to cry so bad. He walked me out to my car, for what I thought was going to be the last time. I held back the tears and hugged him one last time and got into my car as he ran to catch his bus. Then I started sobbing. I mean SOBBING. I had to drive in that. I felt like I was lucky to get from point A to point B without getting into a car accident. It turned out that later that night, basically like a few hours after the incident, he felt it was a mistake and wanted me back. But I didn't make it easy. Instead of just doing it on Facebook chat, I made him call and talk to me for well over an hour if he really wanted me back. And he did... so I took him back...

But the problems continued basically immediately after. The first couple days we were happy again but then he kept doing his thing. Another thing that really annoyed me was he would constantly be playing on his Gameboy. I even let him borrow my Nintendo DS once and he ended up breaking the part that connected the two pieces together. That's what I get, I guess. But he had such a sick obsession with that thing. When we would sit together at lunch, not only would he sit across from me instead of next to me now, but that thing was always in his face and he would barely acknowledge, let alone hold hands or kiss me.

Then a shocking night came. I've had a rocky relationship with my parents for a few years now, going through teenage angst and what not, so I called him May 22nd to try and talk to him to calm down. That ended in another 2 minute phone call, of course - which just made me more upset. But then, at 11pm at night that same night, I got a call saying to come outside. I was completely confused. Then I looked out the living room window to see his dad's car parked out front and he was at my door with flowers. I had NEVER gotten flowers from a guy before so it made me extremely happy, especially that it was so spontaneous, because I think spontaneity keeps the passion alive. He was only able to stay a couple minutes since it was late, but wanted to do that for me... so I was happy again - for a few days.

Finally, I had enough. I had to intervene. I went to the social worker's office and talked to her about the situation and how I couldn't even talk to him about it anymore and communication is key in a relationship - TRUTH. So she called him down to the office and left so we could talk. This is when he admitted that he had been indifferent, but like it was no big deal. We ended up bandaging the wound again and went separate ways to our classes.

But I had finally had enough.

On Thursday, June 3, 2010, I ended the relationship. I had the decency to do it in person, like I plan to do with any guy that would happen with ever. I have enough respect for people to break up with them in person, because we were in the relationship to start with, right? Anyways, I told him the morning to meet me at my locker at the end of the day and that he had to, because he hadn't been lately due to the deterioration of the relationship. He did, which was at least the step he had to do. Then I took him outside to this part of the school that we would talk in that was a little more secluded. I simply said that I still loved him but couldn't do this anymore and, "I'm breaking up with you." I said it outright to make it official. He had a shocked look on his face and simply asked, "Why?" to which I replied again, "I can't do this anymore." I went into a little more explanation but we had limited time as he had to catch his bus again. So we shared our last kiss and affectionate hug and went separate ways - this time for real. We mutually agreed to "stay friends", but it was never the same.

The next day, we were in art class and everyone had found out, once again, because now the breakup was "Facebook official". It was annoying and he told everyone to stop talking about it because it was none of their business - which I thought was at least a little kind because he could see how much it hurt me. Finally, he saw the hurt - but it was too late. He walked me to my car again because I wanted to ask him how he was. Apparently he was already "over it". That just made me angry and I left.

The next day, now Saturday, June 5th, I had to wake up and take the SATs for 6 hours. It was really bad timing...

A week after the breakup, Thursday, June 10th, I stayed after with him (as "friends") because we both had to work on some art work. I had been working on a very long letter to him that week and I gave it to him to read while I listened to my iPod outside. I couldn't watch him read it as I was too nervous. Basically, I was asking for him back. I'll never forget how he came out to me. He kneeled down in front of me, grabbed my hands, and looked me in the eyes with that look I thought had come back. But he told me he didn't think it was a good idea and that I'd find someone better for me. That day, I was upset and thought I'd never find anyone else. But looking back, I'm so thankful he said no.

Ladies and gentlemen: the purpose behind this story is that even though that first love seems like "the one" and perfect for you and that you'll never find another - you will. It may not be tomorrow, next week, or maybe not even next year. But live your life for YOURSELF until then, and even when you find someone else, never stop living your life for yourself, living out YOUR dreams, and making YOURSELF happy. You are the most important person in your life and you have to make sure to keep it that way.

Remember that every storm has to end sometime and there's a light at the end of EVERY tunnel.

I really hope I was able to help at least one person in the process of writing and publishing this personal blog post, because it was very hard for me to have to relive everything that happened. But I did it for you.

A break up is not the end of your life, but simply the beginning of it - and the beginning of something so much better!

Keep your heads held high - especially you, ladies!

Remember to have a positive day! :)


P.S. I thought I'd include a few music videos that depicted this relationship perfectly. It was so hard to choose! Enjoy and remember: YOU CAN GET THROUGH IT, TOO!

No Surprise by Daughtry - One of my favorite bands! The beginning of this song sounds just like me, when I was preparing what to say to break up with him.

The Story of Us by Taylor Swift - This song depicts this relationship P-E-R-F-E-C-T-L-Y.

Complicated by Avril Lavigne - This song was on repeat so much! Why'd he have to go and make things so complicated? I don't know.

Fifteen by Taylor Swift - This song is so true. Girls, there is so much more to live for!

Side note: Me and my ex are friends as I write this blog, but it took a while to get to a comfortable place being "just friends" again. And I get sad every now and then that it's not like it was before the relationship, but that's life. I took a risk, and it literally changed my life forever because if I hadn't dated him, I literally would have never met my current boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months, Dylan. Now, a lot of people don't understand why we're still communicating at all - but that part is between just me and him. It's complicated - but the most important part is, I'm happy again. With lots of aspects of my life - and you can be too! :)

Monday, March 12, 2012

Motivational Monday! ~ 3/12/12

Good morning everyone! Happy Monday! You know what that means...


Enjoy! :)

Lately I've been having lots of trouble sleeping and have thought for years that I've had undiagnosed insomnia. I'm feeling absolutely exhausted and terrible today, but this quote really helps. It reminded me to keep my eye on the prize (I'm at college right now, waiting for class to start) and enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Good luck with all your endeavors and remember that a bad day is just a bump in the road on your journey to something amazing!! :)

Remember to have a positive day! :)


P.S. Isn't that such a pretty picture? It sparkles!!! ;)

*Image credit to*

Thursday, March 8, 2012

CFS: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Hey there - so today (the first day I started typing this post - I take several days to write a serious post) I was thinking about how I've only posted one serious topic on this blog so far (Wisdom Teeth Tragedy) and I really wanted to keep this blog on the track to helping people with health problems. So, I've decided the next story I'd write about is about Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

All I ask is that you take this post seriously and open up your heart and mind to everything I'm about to say. This has to be one of the hardest topics I'll ever talk about on here, and I've spoken about everything - every personal and private little detail - just so I can hopefully really help someone who is going through this terrible time in their life.

According to, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a viral disease of the immune system, usually characterized by debilitating fatigue and flu-like symptoms.

But in my experience, it's much more than a simple definition. More so, it's quite complex.

It all started in the winter of 2005-2006. I was in 7th grade at the time, enjoying my winter break off from school with my family around holiday time, including Christmas and New Years. But it seemed that as soon as we rang in the new year, my body started feeling something new, as well.

Now, something you need to know (which I will be much more detailed about in a later blog post) is that I was very sick as a child. I'm grateful enough to have never had to suffer through anything life-threatening or super serious, like cancer or other things. But I didn't have the easiest ride growing up, either. In summary, I missed a whole bunch of school (particularly elementary and middle school) and would feel debilitatingly ill with something simple, such as a cold or headache.

So back to the topic, starting in the very beginning of the year 2006, I kept experiencing intense headaches every, single, day. Now, I inherited the lovely feeling of migraines from my mother, but I knew these weren't migraines. I actually tried some pain killers and migraine pills in general to see if they'd help, but they just wouldn't go away no matter what I did.

Along with these headaches came INTENSE fatigue. As in, no matter how much you slept - 2 hours, 6 hours, 12 hours a night - nothing helped one bit! More hours of sleep a night, naps throughout the day, NOTHING. One thing I hate more than anything is that when people hear the term "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" they think, "Oh, she's just tired. So am I. That doesn't seem too bad." But oh my gosh, are they wrong. My mom actually showed me an episode of "The Golden Girls" when Dorothy had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and complained that there should be a better name, because too  many discriminate and think it's something so simple and silly.
I want to start off this journey by saying, I was fortunate. There are people that live with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for many years. When my mom would research about it, she would find people who were living with it for 15 years strong, with no end in sight. I was so fortunate to only have lived with the torture for four months of my 18 year old life. Now, don't get confused, but CFS never completely goes away, or so I've been told. There will always be a part of it inside you that can get triggered. I've also been told that the likelihood of it coming back full force is very unlikely, which is good. But everyday is a different struggle because ever since I had the syndrome, being tired can be more overwhelming than the average person experiences, I've had trouble with insomnia, and still have significant memory trouble. I used to be tip-top with my memory... and I'm still pretty good at remembering dates and stuff. But ever since it happened, it's like a part of me just changed forever...

So onward to the timeline of events. It may have just been four months, but it felt like an endless lifetime of anguish. God Bless all of those who have it much more severe and are still suffering after years.

My mom keeps super efficient notes of important doctors appointments and such for me. Her baby book for me ended up turning into a lifetime book, and I've made fun of her for that (hehe) but it really has come in handy more than once... so thank you, mom. I referenced her notes in the process of writing this blog, so I'll refer to dates and specifics as best I can.

One thing I noticed through looking back on these notes and memories is that I suffered from a lot of sinus infections - before, during, and after CFS. Now, I don't think that has much connection... but it's odd because it all started with headaches.

So back to the beginning! I got my immunoglobulin levels tested on November 11, 2005. They came back normal. (You'll notice a pattern of tests coming back normal, leaving me with no answers) Then I noticed that the first really significant date was November 29, 2005. This was the first date that I experienced a terrible headache. Fioricet, a migraine pill, advil and tylenol (not taken all at once, of course) didn't work at all. That's not normal for me...

December 16, 2005, I started seeing a therapist for the very first time. This was a combination of my health problems and personal problems at the time. I started seeing a man for a couple visits, but ended up switching to a female therapist shortly after because I didn't feel comfortable with him.

Brace yourself for a super timeline of events!
  • Now we come to January 2006. This is when the real, endless torture seemed to begin.
  • On January 9, 2006, I had another headache, took fioricet, but then it came back shortly after going away.
  • January 10th - I went to the Emergency Room because I felt hopeless and that this headache could be doing something terrible to my brain. It was some of the worst pain I had ever felt and it really was endless.
  • January 11th - I went to my primary doctor complaining of a constant pain on the right side of my head. This led me to...
  • January 13th - I had a cat scan, or CT scan, which like I was hinting towards earlier, came back normal or negative.
  • January 16th - I tried a new pill called ultracet for the pain and was recommended to see a pediatric neurologist.
  • January 18th - I tried imitrex, which also didn't work. (As you can tell, my doctor had me try tons of different pills, but never found the answer)
  • January 20th - I finally got an answer to an endless cycle of getting nowhere. I went to my pediatric neurologist and he diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. He explained everything to me and said how the symptoms matched. My parents were to contact the school and my therapist about the situation and my school work would be modified and I would start seeing a tutor who would come to my home to help me keep up with my studies. I was also to try zoloft to see if that would help with the depression and exhaustion. I was made very aware that I had to give this time, as it doesn't heal overnight.
  • January 25th - I started home tutoring.
  • February 1st - I got lab work done with the pediatric neurologist, which came back normal, as usual. He also made a point that CFS is very hard to diagnose because it doesn't show up on ANY tests. (which is why it was so hard for average doctors who are uneducated on this very important syndrome to diagnose)
  • February 7th - This was the day I started with a new, female therapist.
  • February 13th - I was switched from zoloft to amitryptylene, to help with sleep.
  • March 13th - I wasn't able to go back to school yet and was told to increase amitryptylene to 1 1/2 pills, instead of just 1.
  • March 16th - From the start of this devastating time, I had a very hard time sleeping by myself. This led me to sleeping with my mom in her bed for the four months straight from the time the symptoms started appearing. This has always been a very embarrassing thing for me to admit and not many people in my life know I had done this, but I needed the comfort. So on March 16th, my therapist wanted me to start trying my hardest to get back to my bed, even if it was for just one night. Looking back now, I feel very bad because I know this must have put quite a strain on my parent's marriage. In addition to trying to go back to my own bed, I was also told to switch taking the amitryptylene from 9pm to 7pm to try and go to sleep sooner and feel more rested in the morning for tutoring.
  • March 29th - I was still unable to get back to my bed, so my therapist recommended setting up a bed on the floor next to my mom's bed to sleep in as being a step closer to getting back to my own bed.
  • April 10th - My pediatric neurologist said that I still had to be tutored at home and was unable to return to school yet, and to increase the amitryptylene to 2 pills a night and see my therapist more often (every week now)
  • April 13th - Now came the time that my therapist wanted me to move back into my bed within the next too weeks. She said that if I needed more intense counseling that she would have to refer me to another therapist. I think that's what made me more driven to get back to my own bed because hearing that made me feel like I was borderline insane.
  • April 20th - I successfully made it to my own bed and was able to stay there every night.
  • April 27th - My therapist noted that I was sleeping in my own bed, had better energy, and was doing well overall.
  • May 4th - My therapist and pediatric neurologist thought I should be able to start school part-time soon.
  • May 9th - My parents had a meeting at the school and came to the decision that I would be going to school for 3 hours a day, with the tutor at the school in between class, starting tomorrow.
  • May 10th - This was the first day I went back to school. I'll never forget it. I was so incredibly nervous as I went up the elevator to the 7th grade floor with my mom and school counselor. Right when I walked around the corner, my friends starting swarming around me, telling everyone I was back, giving me warm hugs and welcomes, as did my teachers. In the commotion, I had almost forgot that I purposely wanted my mom to come up with me so I wouldn't be alone, and she was the one standing in the hallway alone, just watching. I turned back to see her, ran up and hugged her and told her that I loved her, in front of everybody. That's always been the relationship we've had - to this day, I'm not embarrassed to tell my mom that I love her in front of anybody, because without her, I wouldn't have gotten better. This is also a significant day because I was continuously out of school for EXACTLY four months. (January 10, 2006 - May 10, 2006) I find that fact interesting because I obviously didn't do that on purpose but it's easy to remember.
  • May 17th - This is the last really significant date. My pediatric neurologist was pleased with my progress and wanted me to return in 2 months for a follow-up. Then I was discharged. I continued to see my therapist after this time in my life for additional counseling and support.
  • May 30th - I found this date funny in my mom's "baby book" notes. Apparently, this is the date I finally got my ears pierced. The humor behind this is because I had been so scared all my life to get my ears pierced but always wanted them so bad. So in a way, it was like my own gift after such a hard time. And I still have them to this day - and now LOVE piercings! No matter how much they hurt!
THE REAL CURE: Now you may be sitting here wondering out of all those pills, what actually got me better? Well, I'll tell you one thing - none of those helped one bit. That's right, nothing the professional doctors gave me did anything to cure me. But that's where my mom comes in again. A couple months into seeing no progress, she went online and did tons of research like she always does. I think that's where I get it from, because I actually do the same now. Anyways, she ended up giving me natural supplements. This included 3 blue green algae pills 3 times a day - that's 9 pills a day. On top of that, she gave me one 2mg copper tablet, twice a day. These may sound crazy and bizarre to you, but natural supplements really are a better resource than tons of prescriptions and anti-biotics when it comes to a lot of things. To this day, I still take a vitamin c tablet and acidophilus daily. So, even though I hated taking so many pills, I took all these every day and that's when we started seeing real improvement. Of course, it still wasn't an over-night cure. It took a good couple months, at least. But that's what ended up helping me. I'd like to thank whoever's website she found that off of - because that's how your suffering, in turn helped mine. And that's what I really hope I can do for anyone who is reading this right now.

Another important thing to remember, if you're going through this in any stage of schooling: you have every right to be under a "504 plan". I have been under this plan since 7th grade and STILL have the right to be under it in college. This means that teachers have to make accommodations for you based on what your difficulties are from having such a difficult ailment. For me, I'm allowed more time on tests (if needed) and am allowed to have a flexible attendance schedule. For example, if I'm absent on a test day for illness and want to make it up, I can because I'm protected under the 504 plan. Most college students aren't allowed to make up tests if they're absent. So please, go talk to your guidance counselor, principle, assistant principle, parent, therapist, doctor, or SOMEONE who can help you with this, because it's YOUR RIGHT.

So, there you go. There's every single detail I could remember and think of that's significant to this story. But if I want you to take just one thing away from this - even if you're not someone who is suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome - I want you to understand that whatever you're going through has an answer, even when it takes a really long time to figure out. To this day, I still believe everything happens for a reason. And I think this happened to me so I can help other people get through it as well since I've always had a passion for helping others. So please share this post with anyone you know who may be experiencing similar symptoms, people who you know have the disease, or people you just want to inform because you love them. Because everyone deserves an answer and a cure.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read this entire, intimate post. I hope someone, somewhere is being helped from it.

Remember to have a positive day! :)


Monday, March 5, 2012

Motivational Monday! ~ 3/5/12

Hey guys! Here's another dose of Motivational Monday!

Hope this helps kick-start or end your tiring Monday right! :)

This is such a good quote. I can totally relate to it - not everything in life is easy. This means that sometimes, even when you think there's no hope in sight or the mission is too hard to get to the destination, keep going because sometimes what's worth fighting for requires the struggle.
"Just keep swimming, just keep swimming." - Finding Nemo ;)

Remember to have a positive day! :)


*Image credit to*

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Top-of-Dresser Cleaning & Organization!

Hey guys! So today I took on a major project and cleaned, dusted, and organized the top of my dresser. Now I've done this several times and switched it up a lot throughout the last few years, but I've never been so proud of my progress as I am today!

So here's some before & after pictures!

BRACE YOURSELF!!! It was quite the mess before the cleaning tornado came through...

...and yes. I get the cleaning bug sometimes and just go with it... but then these magical things happen!! :)


Like the pink cheetah on top of the dresser? I have a purple & cheetah theme in my bedroom... I have loved both for YEARS! I redesigned my room back when I was like 13 - hehe
Anyways! See all that clutter? Fragrances everywhere, jewelry sprawled out, sunglasses... the only organization was the unique bracelet and earring holders.
 Here's a closer look at a downward angle on the right side of my dresser...

...and here's another angle! See my creative way of storing my bracelets on that tree-looking thing and my dangle earrings on something that I think is used for hand towels? :p


Here's the final result! After 2 hours of clearing, dusting, getting rid of, and organizing - TA DA!!!

Here's a picture of the right side again, but this time it's dedicated to all my fragrances, including body mists, perfumes, and candles! Now I can actually remember to use them all... O:)

Here's a cool looking super awesome photography shot of that section! ...oh? You didn't know I was a photographer, too?! ...just kidding. ;)
By the way, that gorgeous jewelry box in front was from my boyfriend's mom and I just couldn't take it off my dresser. It's perfect for my earrings and looks too pretty! :)

Here's the left side - devoted to makeup I wear daily, a little desk organizer thing in the back that has some beauty samples, extra chapstick and such, and my big jewelry box in the center with all my favorite rings, bracelets, and necklaces. (That was the hardest part to narrow down!)

So this is how my makeup I use on a daily basis is organized at the moment... this is the only section I'm really not pleased with and I'm planning on going out and finding a better (and hopefully inexpensive!) organization solution soon!

So there you have it! I hope you guys enjoyed my before & after pictures and thoughts on them... I did! ;)

Remember to have a positive day! :)